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holly shit im gonna save this as a draft because ill need this
I lost two followers since I drunk posted and ranted about religion….
I guess people don’t like that lolololol
I don’t like going to church anymore.
like i used to love it. i loved hearing what the sermon was about and what i could take from it. i loved singing and just being around such great and positive influences in my life. i loved feeling a presence of God.
but now we’ve just gotten rid of a pastor who constantly used up all of our church funds on himself. and for a “board” who was supposed to look out for our well being, they only concern themselves with money and the mega churches of our district. not us. not the small 40 member church. the “board” has finally just helped us by getting rid of that man i hardly considered a pastor (he has said really awful things behind peoples backs) and now they’ve left us broke and pastorless.
the one man who kept the praise team together and actually kept the youth group motivated left because he was basically run out by the ex-pastor.
i can’t say i enjoy anyone’s company there because, well….. no one goes to that church anymore.
but what hurts the most is i don’t feel God anymore. i don’t see him anywhere. and all these bad things happening in the world just keeps cementing in me that hes not here at all. may i dare even say he doesnt exist? raised in an extremely christian household, my whole family being christian, what would they say if i told them i just don’t believe anymore. that i have no interest in really being in church. that all the drama in our church over the past two years has made me see organized religion for what it really is.
a way for pastors to drive brand new cars and live in a brand new home while half our congregation lives below the poverty line. and that district board members and state board members and this organizational BS is making this denomination seem more like a business every year. that the only churches that win are the ones with hundreds of members because lets face it… those churches are those peoples checks. its their biggest asset and in their best to make sure everyone is nice and cozy and taken care of and every need and concern is addressed immediately or else membership falls. and so do the bank accounts as the members walk out the door.
i have yet to have anyone or anything prove me wrong about being involved in church anymore. its honestly starting to feel like such a chore to go.
PS i wonder what everyone is going to say about my hot pink hair at church.
whenever im upset about where mt lide is going or when plans (like me finally movong out) dont follow through… i drink.
and right now im buzzin sooo good.
i gueas ols habots die hard.
One of my best friends keeps trying to hook me up with one of his buddies. His friend doesnt want a relationship, per se, just someone to treat like a princess and take on dates and of course wants sex. A friends with benefits or no strings attached deal. At first the idea appalled me… but now as I think about what a good guy he is….
I’m down.
I’m down for all the things he’s down for.




